This is my take on a documentary piece of writing. I used song lyrics from a band called Snow Patrol and rearranged them to make a poem/story. It is based on the awe you feel when you realise there is something bigger than you at work in the universe. For me, I find this awe on the edge of a storm and when I experience love. Which is why this piece refers so much to relationships and the weather.
Adverse weather protectors
It scares me more everyday,
We don’t need anything or anyone.
I don’t quite know how to say how I feel,
I need your grace to remind me to find my own.
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes.
I could sit here for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute,
It’s been minutes it’s been days, it’s been all I will remember
Your laughter penetrates my silence,
Your words in my memory are like music to me,
I’m running out of ways to make you see.
There’s nothing holding you back,
It’s not a test or a trick the mind,
It’s so simple and you know it is.
I can feel your heart beat through my shirt,
I’ve been waiting here pulling out my hair,
As long as you can see what’s right in front of you,
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere,
There is a darkness deep within you.
It’s hard to argue when you won’t stop making sense
Why would I sabotage the best thing that I have.
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
I want the smoky clouds of laughter to swim about me forever more
I take a breath and grab the phone
I knew it would hurt you, but not like this. We all make mistakes from time to time.
Running away seemed like the easy thing to do because I wanted to put a smile back on your face
I was afraid to tell you some things but some things all find a way to get told
Now the pessimism in me yawns.
With nowhere else to run now, just stay and face the music
To come through with a plan of how the hell we turn this around
You’ve been the only thing that’s right in all I’ve done
I can barely look at you but every single time I do
Even if you cannot hear my voice
Your broken records and words
I love this place enough to have no doubt.
But we’re all gluttons for it.
Tell me you never wanted more from this and I will stop talking now
By the fire we break the silence
Just close your eyes until you can imagine this place, our secret space
And falling gently on the cushion
I left a note at your bedside
You leave me numb and I’m not sure why
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
I struggle for the words and the give up
The perfect words never crossed my mind cos there was nothing in there but you
I could be stuck here for a thousand years without your arms to drag me out
There you are standing right in front of me and all this fear falls away
The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes
I choked back tears today because I can’t begin to say how much you’ve shaped this boy
You give me a strength I never had, I was a mess, I’d lost the plot but you dragged me up and out
There’s not a single doubt when I see your face
The blind lead the blind so why cant I find my way, this could be heaven but I don’t know where I am
The anger swells in my guts
Take my hand and knot your fingers through mine
The blanket of sky is so warm
But you’re too fragile to hold
Your eyelids they’re faint and shiver like the wings of the last bird to leave
I can’t move, I can barely breathe, speechless, breathless, I can’t tell you if I’m here or not
I won’t leave you out of my world but I will leave you out of my mind
Don’t be scared of all the hurtful words
Just treat me like a stolen glance
I’m not afraid of anything, even time
You know I’ll think of you, your picture on the wall, I would raise my drink to you, but I’ve stayed sober just for you
Please don’t go crazy if I tell you the truth, you don’t know what happened and you never will
Say the first thing that comes into your head when you see me
I noticed a change in your voice, it’s so clear
Just because you were right before, doesn’t mean you’re right
When to take the hint, broken glass aside
It’s the same thing again, but it could become a problem if we don’t deal with it now
I’m broken and colder than hell
Forget this whole row, just save your energy
Are you ready for the shit to hit? I should try to make it right
I’d be lying to myself, but there is no way that I can see
There’s a dark side in us all
Is there a place I can go, is there a light to get me there
If I’ve forgotten what to say it’s because all words are dust
What do you mean I don’t love you? I’m standing here aren’t I?
I’ve got this feeling that there’s something that I’ve missed
I wince a little but it’s not because I know the truth
Half the fun of it is that I can’t keep up and I lose my breath and what’s worse is that I don’t think I’m the first
Please believe me, just stop running
One step too far isn’t far enough away from here
Maybe if I could see exactly what was in your way I’d move it for you, don’t always need to do it by yourself
I saw everything, things I hoped I’d never see
You could get arrested for getting your kit off in the street, how many times have I told you
Your gravity makes me feel light-headed
Maybe I’m unbalanced
Cut my eyes out so I can’t see your smug grin
I wish I had a penny for every time you gave me those eyes
If I could understand this better I might be a little closer to you
When summer falls asleep and winter plucks your strings, the colder you get
You’re my favourite friend and I adore you, love you to the end
With our secret codes and plans we can’t remember
At least the dog has a smile on its face, I’m drained and I’m dry and I’m sore
I think I’ve been broken in two but I can’t scream
Understand me when I say
I don’t know what I’m thinking
I break, you don’t. I was always set to self destruct though
The sea between us only amplifies the sound waves, every hum and echo and crash pains me
The opened box beside the endless box parade that haunts my house is fit to split with photographs that tell the wanderlust of years smashed
I rack my brains but it won’t come through water damaged bloodshot eyes
I read your names under words in your elegant hand you probably don’t mean now
I fold the letter ad think of a million and one things that I could have done differently
And I’m shaking, when your eyes meet mine I lose simple skills
I’m just not the same as I was a year ago and each minute since then
Only the faintest glance buries you
Caught in a jet stream of a gorgeous howl
I’m like a prisoner getting ready to talk
It can’t contain me but you’ll need an army to get me back in my box
Just for a minute the silver forked sky lit you up like a star that I will follow
Every single day that I’m living painted flames all peeling thunder
These accidents of faith and nature they tend to stick in the spokes of you, but every now and then the trend bucks and you’re repaired by more than glue
Something was bound to go right sometime today, all these broken piece fit together to make a perfect picture of us.
I know more of the stars and sea than I do of what’s in your head
No one knows what this fight is about
I tried to tell you before I left but I under my breath I was screaming
You are the only thing that makes sense
And all the things that I wished I had not said are played in loops ‘til it’s madness in my head
More than anything I want to see you take a glorious bite out of the whole world
We’ve got through so much worse than this before, what’s so different this time that we can’t ignore
Hit me hard enough to wake me
My tongue is lost so I can’t tell you, please just see it in my eyes
The snow and ticker tape blurs all my senses numb, it’s like the finish line where everything just ends
I think the finish line’s a good place we could start
Just have to look me in the eyes and I fall apart
You look so fragile I could break
But the truth is I’m just as scared
And suddenly the world seems so small
To ever see the light that you gave
And all your stars collapsed behind the pitch black night.
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