I'm tired... a stimulus

The following piece of writing is also written after a discussion with Gem, a visiting practitioner, who suggested I use the line 'I'm tired of...' as a stimulus to develop a monologue.

I’m tired of...

·         Not being able to do stuff I want to do as a young man because I have to look after my brother.

·         Not having a normal car because it always has to be wheelchair friendly.

·         Never being able to go anywhere on holiday with beach, or hill climbing, or mountain biking. They’re hardly wheelchair friendly.

·         Having to run to wherever he is every time there is a bang in case he has fallen over and injured himself.

·         Having to wipe his arse after he’s taken a shit.

·         Having to bath him and wash him.

·         Having to clean him every morning and every night.

·         Having to brush his teeth.

·         Having to help him get dressed.

·         Having to chop his food up for him.

·         Having to push him around in his wheelchair whenever we go out.

·         People staring at him when he goes in his walking frame.

·         Having to ask ignorant people in the street to ‘excuse me’ because Paul can’t simply move out of their way.

·         Having to translate everything he says because nobody understands him.

·         Explaining to people what’s wrong with him.

·         Putting all this work in and getting so little back.

·         Having a brother who is has the brain age of a 7 year old.

·         Not having a brother I can have a pint with.

·         Not having a brother I can ask advice from.

·         Not being able to kick around a football with my brother.

·         Never being an uncle.

·         Not having a normal family.

·         Feeling guilty for going to university and leaving my brother.

·         Feeling guilty that I can walk and talk.

·         Feeling guilty that I can get out of bad situations if I want, but that Paul will always be stuck in a disabled body forever.

·         Feeling guilty that I want to get married and have my own family when Paul never will.

·         People using my brother like a piece of paper.

·         Of being offended by words like ‘Spastic’, ‘Spaz’, ‘Crip’, ‘Dowy’, and ‘Retard’.

·         Of people who think they know what is best for Paul, despite never meeting him before.

·         People thinking they can take advantage of him.

·         Of people who are supposed to be his carers repeatedly sexually abusing him and threatening him if he tells anyone what is going on.

·         The injustice of seeing a man get away with sexual abuse on an innocent and defenceless young disabled person because ‘there is insufficient evidence’ in the case.